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Holidaying in Norfolk

There’s been a piece in the news this week (BBC News) about how ‘super-parenting improves children’s autism’ and this is cheering news for those of us who have been working with our kids in an RDI-manner for a while (RDI Explained).  Of course it isn’t ‘super’ parenting at all, it’s about learning the skills to guide your child, and of course how to spark an interest so that they are willing to be guided in the first place!

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Ellen with a well deserved post-walk treat

We’ve been on holiday in Norfolk this week, just the three of us.  This has given us the perfect opportunity to have an Ellen and RDI-focused time, and we had a list of ideas from our RDI consultant of how to use this time to the full; lots of guiding, experience sharing language and slowing everything down.

RDI isn’t difficult, but finding the time in a busy week to plan activities, let alone carry them out can be a problem, so having a whole week with no distractions has been a luxury.  Don’t get me wrong, we haven’t been ‘on-it’ 24/7, there’s been plenty of time for relaxation for us too – I even bought a candle to increase our evening ‘hyggeligt’ (for those of you who have missed it in the news recently, this is a somewhat elusive Danish concept which roughly translates as cosiness).

As usual, Ellen has surprised me.  For someone who is a confirmed couch-potato she has undertaken long dog walks every day without complaint.  For the first few days she insisted on carrying her Toy Story and Lion King box sets around with her, but latterly she has agreed to leave them in the car – progress.  Rich and I have have plenty of time for experience sharing conversations about acorns, odd-shaped trees and the beautiful autumnal colours.  Nature has helped out too; Ellen loved it when I had two money-spiders in my hair and didn’t love it quite so much when a ladybird landed on her nose and refused to shift, but it gave us plenty to talk about.

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Setting off on a walk around Felbrigg Hall

We have learned how much Ellen loves eating out at pubs and cafes, particularly if they serve sausages or chips.  When given the choice of having breakfast at home or at the cafe – she chose the cafe – a surprising choice! North Norfolk also appears to be a McDonalds-free zone (yay), and Ellen has coped well with this unwelcome news (although we are on a promise to stop at the golden arches on the way home). Another unexpected bonus is that a lot of the fish and chip shops around here will also cook with a gluten free batter if it’s requested,

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Enjoying fish and chips in Cromer

Ellen also seems to enjoy looking around ruined castles and stately homes, which is lucky as it’s also one of my favourite things to do.  While I’m looking up at the portraits and the ceilings though, Ellen’s focus is on the chairs.  For those of you who’ve not visited stately homes recently, they either put pinecones or a sign saying ‘Too fragile to be sat on’ on the majority of chairs, but there’s usually the odd modern chair dotted around which can be sat on.  Ellen checks every chair, flings aside anything which might be covering the important signs and sits with great delight on every chair that she can.

It seems that everywhere we’ve been, we spotted others on the spectrum, also getting out and about and enjoying themselves (a group of young men with Aspergers were having the time of their life trying to work out the maze at Priory Maze and Gardens).

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It hasn’t all been plain sailing.  Ellen was very upset on day one as she’d left her Toy Story box set at home, so our first morning of the holiday was spent ninja – raiding HMV in Norwich for another copy.  Once she had this though, it seemed she could cope much better with the dynamism of a holiday.

This has been one of the most relaxing and enjoyable holidays we’ve ever had with Ellen and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that as her feelings of competence have grown, so her anxiety about the world has decreased along with her stress levels.  This has a knock-on effect on what we are able to do and enjoy with her, which means she and other people with autism are more visible in society and hopefully more accepted.

Now the challenge is to keep the vibe going when we’re back to work and college next week!

 

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Making unexpected choices

My RDI activity at the moment is to try and encourage Ellen to make surprising, rather than predictable choices.  Of course this is quite a biggy for someone with autism, who finds reassurance in the familiar.

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Ellen powering off to the cafe

We were on a bit of a loser from the start when Ellen chose to visit Whipsnade Zoo, one of her favourite haunts.  An early surprise was to arrive and find the place invaded by cubs (and not the furry kind).  The scout movement is celebrating its 100th birthday, so celebrations around the country for them and sidestepping around excitable groups of seven-year-olds for us.

Ellen has a very set agenda when visiting the zoo:-

(a) Go to the gift shop to purchase an overpriced toy animal to look around the zoo with her.   The lady behind the till greets us like old friends and doesn’t require us to get our membership card out any more.  If we are lucky, we can leave without Ellen trying to buy ‘a friend’ as well.

(b) Visit the bug centre (despite the fact that it is closing and slowly being emptied of all bugs).

(c) Bypass the bird show (should it be on).  Today it was full of cubs which meant that my efforts to change her mind on this choice were minimal.

(d) Walk on via the underwater Sealion viewing area and hang around hopefully near the cafeteria hoping that it’s time for lunch (it wasn’t).

(e) Hopes dashed, either visit tigers and elephants or giraffes and zebras (today was option 2).

(f) Decide that lunch must be on the cards by now and walk as fast as she possibly can back to the cafe, leaving me trailing in her wake.  All attempts at experience sharing; ‘ooh the flamingos are out’ and ‘is that an ostrich or an emu?’ studiously ignored.

(g) Once inside the cafe, order sausage and chips (additional vegetables are frowned upon), a strawberry flavoured drink and a slab of chocolate cake.

(h) Go home.

My attempts to get Ellen to choose something surprising went like this –

Me: ‘mashed potato or chips?’
Ellen: ‘chips’.
Me: ‘Fish cakes or sausages’
Ellen: ‘sausages’
Me: ‘pizza or sausages’
Ellen: ‘she said sausages!’

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That was an easy choice!

In fact the only surprising choice of the day was made by one of the giraffes, who decided he was thirsty and rather than drink water, chose instead to take a gulp from another giraffe’s stream of urine.

Ellen of course, thoroughly approved of this piece of dynamic thinking.

 

 

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Scribblings of difference

We visit Tring Museum quite a lot.  It’s hard to answer the welcoming ‘have you been here before?’ in a neutral tone.  Oh yes, we’ve been here before and we have a very set routine.

First phase – visit the gift shop.  Unfortunately Ellen is very keen on the display of plastic animals that they sell there and today she bought the white tiger.

‘Oh you must have quite a collection of these at home’ says the sales assistant, presumably recognising us from our previous excursions.

‘We’ve got elephant, orange tiger, lion, rhino, giraffe, zebra and hippo…’ chants Ellen.

‘We must get a few more in then and stock up’ smiles the sales assitant.

‘Please don’t’ I reply, thinking of the groaning shelves back at home.

Second phase.  A very slow and detailed walk around the galleries, with Ellen pointing out all the creatures of interest to her new purchase, in this case, white tiger.

But today I’m going to disrupt this routine and throw a curve ball into Ellen’s familiar pattern.  In RDI speak this is called ‘same but different’.  We’re doing the same thing that we normally do, but changing it ever so slightly.  The aim is to slowly build Ellen’s resilliance and help her cope more easily with the inevitable fluctuations of daily living.

So, ‘Let’s draw our favourite animal’ I say.

‘I don’t think so’ replies Ellen in a sing-song voice, deep in conversation with her white tiger about his friend orange tiger.

Undeterred I set up the stools by the tigers, get out the paper and pencils and I wait.  This is the beauty of RDI.  I have learned that simply waiting is a powerful tool.  After only a few seconds and without any further argument, Ellen comes and sits down.  After a little bit of time positioning white tiger, Ellen gets to work drawing the orange tiger.  I am instructed to draw the Jaguar, which I can only half see due to the glass partitioning.  It is the experience not the end result, I chant internally, flushing when passing visitors curiously peer over my shoulder to look and then veer away as if physically repelled by my amateurish scribblings.IMG_5226[1]

This is Ellen’s drawing (I’m afraid ‘Jaguar with partition’ is not on display at this moment in time).

 

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I know I’m biased, but I love it.

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Jewellery Making

Ellen was lucky enough to be given some great craft sets for Christmas and no doubt we’ll be working our way through them all over the upcoming weeks and months.  Given the choice of which to start with, she rather surprisingly chose her new jewellery making kit.  Surprising because of everything she received, this looked the most challenging.

I soon found out why she chose it though, as the projects leaflet inside the box contained pictures of tiger and zebra earrings and pendants.  Without hesitation, Ellen chose to make the zebra necklace.

This involved rolling out thin pieces of alternate black and white clay, sprinkling them with water and then pressing them together firmly by rolling a cup over the top.  It was a great activity for our current RDI objective, because there were bits that she found really difficult, like moulding the hard clay between her fingers to soften it up, but also bits that she found much easier – like rolling the clay into long sausages.  I was therefore able to use my ‘easy’ ‘a bit tricky’ and ‘difficult’ prompts fairly evenly thoughout.

Ellen has sensory issues surrounding her fingers and didn’t like the feel of the clay, so she tried using a pair of gloves initially, but when these proved too cumbersome she took them off.  I found this quite encouraging as it seemed like her desire to make the jewellery was stronger than her sensory issues.

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Ellen making a hole in the zebra clay

After rolling with the cup, we then had to cut out two shapes, one 2p-sized and the other 1p-sized, before making holes for the thread and then putting the pieces in the oven to bake.

I have to continually remind myself not to step in and over-compensate for Ellen, it’s very difficult not to try and improve things and make them perfect.  This is Ellen’s necklace and it needs to look like her necklace!

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The clay’s ready for the oven!

The second half of the production process was much trickier, in fact it almost defeated me.  Our RDI advisor had asked me ‘what does Ellen do when she find things overwhelming?’, well the answer is she tries to walk off and leave me to it!  Getting the pendant threaded was fine but trying to fix the clasp to the end was almost impossible with the result that I pretty much took over.  Looking back what I probably should have done was abandon the instructions and instead had a discussion with Ellen about an easier way to finish off – i.e. just tie a knot in the flippin thing!  However, we perservered and it did give me the opportunity, many times, to say how difficult this bit was, but even so how we managed get it done in the end and I think you’ll agree it does very much look like Ellen’s own work!

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Me modelling the finished product!

When we’d finished, we trekked off to McDonalds for Ellen’s weekly fix of a plain cheesburger and large fries.  One downside of her increased confidence in doing her own ordering is that she’s started adding some ‘unexpected items’, like today’s chocolate muffin.  Very happy with her illicit purchase, she laid out the cheeseburger, muffin and chips in that order on her lap in the car and proceded to eat them together as one meal – yuck!

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Thank you from Jackpot Heffalump

Like most parents, once the Christmas rush is over and I have hoovered the last pine needle from the carpet, the last remaining festive task is to organise the kids to write their thank-you letters.  I heard someone on the radio recently saying that if children write regularly every year, by the time they are 17 it will have become a habit and you can send them off into the adult world, your etiquette coaching complete.

Not in this house.  My 16 year old daughter has evolved in a world of social media and emojis and finds expressing thanks through the written word totally alien.  Ellen, who is now  19 (19!) struggles with not only formulating the proper sentances but also with the motor skills required to write on a large scale.

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So, this year I tried something different.  I typed up several versions of ‘thank you’ sentences, some complete, some with the endings missing and some with nothing at all except ‘To’ or ‘Dear’.  I laid these out on the table with a selection of cards, different coloured pens, glue and a pair of scissors.

Planning this as an RDI activity, with the focus being on Easy vs Challenging vs Overwhelmed, I tried to provide a range of options which would give Ellen the chance to experience all three.

Whether because of the planning or still being on a high after the Christmas and Birthday season, Ellen was in a super mood and took to this activity with gusto.  It was interesting to see that initially she chose the cut-outs with the most complete sentances with the trickiest part being inserting the card into the envelope.  By the end of the session however, she was doing more and more writing, and even wrote the last card without any cut-out at all – impressive.  But Ellen being Ellen, her sense of humour began to take over and cards were being personalised in a rather unique way…notice anything unusual about the one below…?

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Beverley gets thanked by Hide and Seek woozle

Yes… Ellen thought it was hilarious to take on various heffalump and woozle personas to sign off the cards – a different one every time.   Luckily all the receipients are well aware of Ellen’s penchant for disguise and I’m sure will take this all in their stride.

Happy New Year to one and all!

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Well, that was easy!

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Edge plus one and musical spoons

We have got into quite a comfortable routine on a Wednesday – far too comfortable in fact – time to shake things up a bit!

Ellen is now very happy to put on her apron, go along to the Community Shop and work down her list of things to do until all items are out on the shelf and she gets ‘paid’ (the Milky Way bar moment).  The Shop has now acquired a garage just around the corner which is proving brilliant for storage and they have a trolley to help move items back and forth.   Much to Ellen’s dismay a trip to the garage was added to her list this week.  We had to load the trolley with items for the garage, wheel the trolley round and then fill it up with items to take back.  Not surprisingly this did meet with some resistance from Ellen.  I held out the tray of diet cokes to her whilst she stood with her arms crossed staring intently at the milky way bars and making a ‘hurrrumph’ noise.  The stand off didn’t last long however (although I needed my extra thick skin suit to ignore the interested stares of customers!) and we were soon on our way to the garage.

Ellen reluctantly pulling the trolley...

Ellen reluctantly pulling the trolley…

Not surprisingly more stand-offs occurred at the garage when the unloading and loading took place, when taking the trolley back to the shop and unloading it at the shop.  The resistance was short lived though; as despite Ellen’s folded arms and ‘harrumphing’ we both know that she will and can do these things and after a pause she did.  The ladies in the shop were concerned that Ellen didn’t like doing the trolley; but luckily they are totally supportive and willing to learn about ASD and so took my explanation about resistance, new things and edge plus one with lots of nodding and welcome offers of coffee.

We also gave McDonalds a miss this week (yay) and instead had lunch at the local garden centre.  Ellen even came up willingly with me to the counter to order.  Unfortunately, despite the late hour, there was already another customer at the till placing a very very long and complicated order which she kept adding to; then she couldn’t find her card; then she couldn’t remember her postcode so they could add her loyalty points without the card; by which time Ellen had given up and returned to her seat.  I must admit if I could have left I would have too, but I persevered and luckily once the order was placed, the food came quite quickly.   Actually sitting down and eating together (rather than Ellen munching her McDonalds in the car on the way home) is quite a challenge for Ellen too, as as soon as she has finished her own food she is desperate to be off and watches my every mouthful like a hawk – not the most relaxing experience, but I did almost finish my coffee.

I gave Ellen a bit of down time after that before the finale of the day. Making den den drums out of old wooden spoons while doing a good old bit of RDI co-regulation.  It looked good on http://www.learning4kids.net/2012/01/25/homemade-musical-instrument-den-den-drum-2/ but sadly my lack of any real practical skill let us down a bit, and as soon as we tried to use the spoons as instruments half the beads flew off and were immediately pounced on and chewed by Brian the puppy.  The stickers followed suit pretty soon afterwards and we ended up having to sellotape them back on.  Luckily Ellen loves it when things go wrong, so as far as she was concerned this was probably the best experience of the day!

The disasterous homemade Den Den drums

The disasterous homemade Den Den drums

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Oh good; more courgettes!

There’s a certain time of year in England when everyone’s conversation turns to the subject of what on earth can they cook with all their courgettes.  Even pathetic vegetable plot managers like myself seem to be able to produce a bumper crop with very little effort and there is a sudden scramble to find recipes to turn the maligned green vegetables into edible fare before their inevitable wilt.

The bumper crop!

The bumper crop!

It’s no surprise then, that this week’s activity was centered around, you guessed it, courgettes!

I found an incredibly simple recipe for courgette buns, which actually tasted nice as well, although disappointingly used less than half a courgette…

The Recipe –  makes 12 buns (helpful if you have leopard-print bun cases too)

40g grated courgette
110g self-raising flour
110g caster sugar
20g cocoa powder
2 tbsp vegetable oil
2 medium eggs

Ellen managed to practise her egg-cracking skills (successfully) and we got a nice turn-taking pattern established when putting the mix into the cases.

I now need to work on over-compensation.  Watching the video back I realise that I weighed out all the ingredients and Ellen is certainly capable of this…however with the amount of courgettes we have there will be no lack of opportunity to practise!

The final product

The final product